the road dust, the lower crest,
is where I am, is where we are,
apart from what rest say, the best -
is what you are, is what we may have been… lest.
the next text, the next crippled page,
the next must, the overtly stated rage,
and I am not the sage, the only 1 haste.. that i did,
raised your fingers, baised me rather & broke my world.
This shower, that unrest, are both related,
both are unbridled, both are ungated, unsaid, untold,
both are mine, are for you, for the past & forever,
rate my heart, rate myself, rate what I did & see the surge.
Overwhleming !
Last day in Chennai.
Now when I came in here, was never sure that this would happen – this heart will feel so attached to this sultry whether, this freind, who is no less than a brother at this point of time, a so very special person & a very good and honest Manager, who has tried to change my life by giving me whatever I could possibly need to do it.
At this point, I would like to say the same old stuff that you would have either read or heard by someone, life goes on – nothing stops… me working here.. my friend working at some place.. the person who could have been more than a soul-mate, who thinks I am a literally crazy or a manic or something very similar to that – Everyone.
I feel like .. a very lonely person at this point of time.. not because I have left some important people, but because I could not do anything for them. Its so so very sad ….
There is one thing that we all have different, for me that is my desperation, and unfortunately thats what was the reason why I lost the possibly most important of my life. The person for whom I could have challenged the whole world, the god and the whole existence. If she was by my side.. I would have really changed the world. I know this sounds crazy or a teenage infatuation.. but this is the way I am. Unfortunately I have to leave it and move on..
When you say that you love someone, and you really mean it- you cant really define that feeling, thats what I feel right now. Not that I had all the bad things or situations in life, I had good people too, but I feel I wanted more.. I had great expectations with myself and especially with people. Having great expectations with people you barely know was also a kind of problem that I have, however, with time I will learn.
I went to all the places which I have felt associated with -may it be the table in City Center Mall, may it be the Elliots Beach, may it be a house where I had never been, where I could have been, unfortunately each day tests me, tests me not to perform, it tests me for life and death.
Sometimes I think about life as a journey, somtimes we think of it as a responsibility, sometimes as some religious rebirth concept- that takes finally us to the eternity. But the fact lies that, in every specific moment, at every speck of time, we are what we are in the moment. These moments when weived together make something like a series of events and that again has a reason.
When we are in Love – these reasons narrow down to just 1 person, that person guides or becomes the central part of all the discussions, meanings and anything possible thing that tells us what life really is.
As above, so below, as within, so beyond.
Its Sunday night, I am asleep now. Having a beautiful dream with my ex-gf … I am sure you would understand the complicity of such a dream. Last night I went out for booze with friends, we had a good time-in fact, a great time. We are a bunch of sponge, when we are together- we binge. It was really a yummy chicken that we had. We discussed about our dreams, we discussed about what we would be, what we were and what we always wanted. We talk about tickling moments of our childhood. We talk about our god-dam teacher. We can’t really call her sexy, coz then; we were too small to even think about that. We talked about the girl in other class, we seethed when anyone else use to see ‘our’ girl. We did so many things.
Well, life is like a circle.. No matter what you do, what you deserve, you always find yourself the place where you started. This is quite profound to understand at a single attempt, but nevertheless, is true.
Lets face it – we are selfish.
It’s too complicated now; you have so many passwords that you constantly have to browse through your own mind to find the correct one for your ATM. Well, a password is just a trifle example. We have made it so much complicated, that we think everything is riddled with everything. We don’t think straight. We don’t even want to know that.
I ask a question to myself: who am I? Am I a son of xyz… what am I doing here? Busting my ass just to make my life, just a little more comfortable, whereas I don’t really know if I will be actually needing that comfort or not!! What would I achieve if I impress my boss: Do I think that my boss is a God? Or do I think he is an animal? No matter how many questions I ask, I get equally compelling answers and then rather more intriguing questions further. The point is, what have I done in my whole life? If I want to call myself a human, what is that I have don’t that’s human? I have loved the loved ones, I have cared about friends, I have served my responsibility as a son/daughter, bro/sis, friend etc. Truthfully, if I want to answer this to you, I can give 100 million answers, but if I ask a question the question to myself, the answer is as vacuous as my mind. Whatever I did.. Whatever. I did it for my own. I must do something for someone, whom I don’t know. For the distant creature that is young, who is like a fresh rose, but is undeserved. Undeserved because he is young, because he is alone, because he has not been given the deserved right to read, because he is disappointed by life. For him, life is just about making some money by doing dishes or may be serving food to rich or may be getting sexually tampered by someone who is a gentleman on the outside and beast on the inside.
Halt a sec, who is that child in the midst of the dream? Hmm… Let me remember… This is the same child I saw begging at the signal right? or is it the one who was at that ‘dhaba’ serving food, or is it the child who tried to ‘pick’ my pocket? Naahh.. Looks like he is just too worn out to do all that stuff. This piece of meat with 2 eyes, this little human, asks me: why don’t you educated people give me a minuscule loaf of bread, the bread that you are anyways going to throw away? Why don’t you help me to make me also same as you? Why am I hungry? why do I don’t have friends to play with? Why do I have to think about earning money when I am supposed to mess around with A,B,Cs..? Why!!
Donate a couple of coins; donate a little bit of your valuable time to transform someone, someone who can be as good as you are, someone who will think about others because you have dared to think about him/her.
Join India Sudar(IS), a charitable trust, run purely by voluntary interest of Professionals just like you, with almost ZERO administrative cost.
http://www.indiasudar.org
At IS, we have seen a dream and we have started working towards it.
The question is: have you woke up?
