On your inner universe.

Just as the outer universe

Has no apparent limits.

Beyond the farthest known star,

Dare to take

A quantum leap in consciousness.

Go beyond your

Farthest inner star

And discover infinity within.

Our destiny-crystal clear-before us.

Sometimes I wonder, before the world became our guide,

If we knew to follow who we are inside.

Be the child you were-be the child you were,

Before the world got to you

Told you things that were not true

Be the child you were-be the child you were.

Lyrics from the song ‘Unfolding as it should” by Jan Spiller

The wave comes from the ocean

And goes back into the ocean;

The divide remains only for so long.

What does it take for the wave to break and merge?

There are lifetimes in me left to purge.

The wind helps the wave in its journey, in time;

Just like how I receive help and grace in mine.

But then it is up to the wave to break, or decide when to-

Summon the wind and let its call be known…

And the wind plays along till the wave is ready.

Sometimes I think, even the wave knows not when it is…

The crash, the break, the point is always sudden, lasting only a moment.

For that is all it takes.

One moment.

In our awareness it could be any one moment.

It could be now.

And attend to the breath
At the belly or nostrils
Choose one
And stay there five years-

Not the thought of the breath
But the sensations accompanying
Each inhalation
Each exhalation.

The beginning
The middle
The end
Of each in-breath
And the space between
Where thinking wriggles free.

The beginning
Middle
And end
Of each out-breath

And the space between
And thought
And the space between thoughts

Returning to the breath-
Just sensation breathing itself.
Sensations sensing themselves
Floating in space.

Even some idea of who
Is doing all this
Floats by
Just another bubble

Another thought thinking itself
Mirroring like Escher
The fragile moment
Vanishing in space

Returning to the breath “like a devotee who has broken a vow a thousand times”
And returns unruffled once again.
Watching thoughts think themselves
One into the next-
Beginning momentarily to exist
And dissolving-even such notions as impermanence
Passing in the flow.

Observing feeling arise uninvited-unexpectedly impersonal
No one to blame
Or be blamed only
Just rope burns
From grasping to change.

And return to the breath again
Awareness making the old brand new.
Content dissolving into process.
Process floating in space.

Watching consciousness dream
Self and the world-constantly creating more
Of there less to be.

We seek only to discover
That what is sought
Leaves the seeker far behind.

We are what we are looking for,
For lack of a larger term,
God.

-Stephen Levine

Because I want to.
Not so much to ask
As to bring up my wish, hope and intent to a higher realm.

Not because I feel separate from you
Or think it to be so
But out of the awareness that we are one.

I pray with love, with silence;
Sometimes I pray because
There is nothing else that I can do or think of.
How do I repent, redeem, begin afresh without prayer?

I long to become the prayer
I long to free myself of my self imposed chains
And I trust it can be done;
But I also know that I need help
And I am not hesitant in asking for it.

For asking for anything which is bound to come
Only confirms it even more and welcomes it lovingly
And asking for something which I don’t yet realize is redundant
Takes its own course anyway,
Making me richer with the lesson left in its wake.

How am I less by praying?
How am I being futile?
I am not here to condemn, judge or justify prayer
Just to revel in its sanctity and fervour,
To remind myself of its truth and power.

For whether I think my prayer is heard or not-it doesn’t matter
It is something more than just mental chatter
Apart from whatever else it makes me feel
What matters is that it makes me aware, whole,
Bringing in a quietness of its own;
Making me come closer to myself, to home.
For even if I disappear, prayer remains

What if there was no one to pray and nothing to pray for?
Prayer would still prevail
As a connection, a remembrance,
It is after all, a union’s essence.

That you may let out all you wish;

May my emptiness absorb all that and more,

That I can be your mirror and reflect your core.

May my wholeness inspire and embrace you

That you may dance along with me in my sharing.

How does one protect oneself from being hurt? How to stop making the same mistakes? How to learn when and whom to trust, that too from the very beginning? It’s easy to remind oneself to remember the past and learn from it and yet we teach ourselves- ‘forgive and forget’. Ironic isn’t it? For to truly forgive means to forget or for it not to mean anything at all…yet the lessons we commit to memory are the ones where there has been utmost pain, hurt or bitterness.

When the heart bleeds, the soul cannot watch untainted. For the heart provides elixir to the soul. When deeply hurt, the soul feels crushed, as if someone sucked the air from it. It is like watching yourself trapped in a vacuum, thinking you would never be able to come out of it.
Time heals, and lo! Behold another paradox- time is relative. It is just a concept of the mind. What diminishes our sadness, joys and memories then? What really heals then?

I think it is realisation…that at each moment we have the choice- to live the way we want to. We create our own worlds- of happiness or sadness, our own destiny, by choosing what we want to be, at that moment. There are many tools to happiness today- from meditations to exercise, yoga, therapy, etc. But these can only distract the mind for a while. How easily the so called intellectual man has defined, planned and programmed- one policy after another, one back up plan after the other. However, always all the events we safeguard ourselves against almost never occur, that too in order. Yet we constantly try to beat nature’s ways, making it a measure of our success. Creating one’s own destiny has been replaced by attempting to predict it and then blame it for our woes or the way we are.

Somehow I feel all these patterns curtail freedom of the spirit…not at one go, but slowly, without one’s spirit realising the change, the chasm.
The heart learns to let go at its own pace, which is heightened only when the soul can watch- each thought, each action…without judgement, fear or emotion. It is definitely easier said than done, yet not impossible or too difficult.

There are some who will stand by and comfort, who will help as well as heal. Yet that is only if we allow it. And still, the greatest another can do is to listen- deeply and silently…for they will never be able to witness what we can or could have. A person can serve as a mirror, to reflect and understand, but just like how one cannot penetrate the glass that it is made up of, another can only accompany or guide us in our journey and growth. In the end we go alone, to where we came from.
I feel- at times a rebel, at times devil’s advocate. Many a time I feel alone, and then I feel as if I don’t exist at all. Sometimes others matter, sometimes they don’t. My aloneness, my innermost core is my refuge. My worship lies in each moment, so does my thankfulness and sheer amazement.
The choice is always with me-

To keep on hurting or to acknowledge the hurt and see what can be done thereafter

To keep on waiting for the end or to realise that each moment is complete in itself.

To keep on guarding, doubting, and complaining or to trust that existence will teach me what I have not yet learnt.

To be alive to all the life that is in me, each moment or to let life pass, wondering how best I could live it.

The windows and doors of our house

And stay safe inside, we feel very secure, safe.

But life is not like that.

Life is constantly knocking at our door,

Trying to push open our windows that we may see more;

And if out of fear we lock the doors, bolt all the windows,

The knocking only grows louder.

The closer we cling to security in any form…..

- By Someone… Someone.

Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It’s funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically ………. being a fucking boy scout. But lately I’ve been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber’s about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn’t so clean. You know what? It doesn’t matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That’s what moral fiber’s all about.

These are the lines that somehow ‘motivate’ me. Not for a Scholarship but for my dreams, or in other words – The Moral Fiber.
The Moral Fiber is what when you have found that ‘one thing’ and you stick on to that, no-matter what happens.

A sudden clap of thunder,
Leaves fall asunder.
In the midst of what I am subjected
My thoughts go on uninterrupted.
Memories stirred, meanings searched
Even those unformed, nascent, premature and blurred.

As the clouds crowd around,
Wishes and words in equal measure abound-
I am as much light, as I am darkness
I am as much life, as I am death
I am as much known, as I am unknown;
At present I see possibilities before me
And I ruminate as a rebel set free,
And quietly tell my higher self-
I’m tired of thinking of me.

The sea brings forth a wave
And takes it back to save-
Its own self or something else?
The answer is revealed to me as much as I am to myself.
So I move along with the wind and the rain
As a mystic would from nothing refrain,
Trying to disappear into the vast unknown
With the promise of nothingness.

And as my reality changes within me
The world remains as it is.
So I smile and look away from the fortune teller and bangle seller
And resume my journey yet again,
Going back, from where I came.

-Someone.. someone.